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Should's vs Am's by Zoe DeVoe

Should

I should want to wear lacy drapes

ruffled gowns or at least a form fitting top

Instead of wanting to be with girls who wear those dresses

I should be the one to done those garments

either seeing women as competition or who I want to be


I should have chosen to be with a man

to stand by the man I had been with for a year

Instead of breaking up with him when I realized

I loved him only as a friend, not like a woman, not like I should

I should have stuck by his side to be his future wife



Should

I should find a way to change, anyway to change

to peel my skin and erase the wrongs of my flesh

to force myself to molt, to make my feelings withered trash

I should do anything to erase the pain of being myself

I should have never listened to myself


Am

But I am more comfortable wearing

a blazer, a button up, straight leg pants, and a tie

to polish men’s dress shoes and only wear chapstick

than I am to add mascara, to feminize my body

I am more comfortable with that, though there’s no shame in either


Am

I am someone who can only love women

Who can only romance the same gender

I am able to accept this, even when the world can’t

to nourish my skin and remember that it hasn’t wronged

to not force anything, to make my emotions known

I am glad I listened to myself instead of the should’s



Zoe DeVoe is an LGBTQ+ author with a passion for poetry focused on love, mental

health, and general activism. She also enjoys writing experimental novels and short stories. Her website can be found at zoedevoe.com, and her Twitter handle is @zoetheauthor.

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