• Tealight Press

=lesbian by Lucy Pettigrew

= lesbian

I’m not surprised, when the world of Twitter is splattered with Lesbian Visibility Week

posts, that

some people have a problem. You

preach acceptance and

tolerance but the closest you get is still excluding us; we’re

your fetish or your

guilty pleasure or

‘you’re gay? That’s such a waste.’ Seeking

our sexual validation when you’re insecure about your attraction to men tastes bitter

in our mouths, orange peel between gums, you’ve

r e a l l y got no idea how a girls touch makes me light up in truth, how

I’m more than ok with the way only she knows about the sensitive skin above my

right hipbone.

Pride still feels like a political statement. When we kiss

I sink into her lips but

you’re at the back of my mind - hello! You

haven’t forgotten about me have you?

I see disappointment on the faces of those I love, only

seeing me as a phase gone on for too long or

sapphic satisfaction for internet trolls or

something to be ashamed of but

I’ve had shame living inside of me for years so

I wouldn’t want them to pretend they’re fine with it,

we all know the reality.

I’m still scared to admire girls in all ways because

I’m scared what they’d say if they knew I was gay.

I get upset and try to drown in cheap wine, disgusting-tasting alcohol shivers slipping

down my spine because

I don’t want to remember, don’t

want to be sexualised or chastised or sighed at because “are you sure you just

haven’t found the right guy yet?”

I take the long way home and try to stop the burning in my stomach with Lorde’s

Melodrama on repeat but your words

are repeating in my mind louder than the music, no

amount of wine or kissing or defiance, rebellion will make me feel better because,

well... I’m a lesbian. The

wine drawing my temptation from the shelf in the shop, pride

celebrations feel tainted with the blood of those lost. We’re

not a prize to be won or

‘turned straight’ or laughed

at by your attempts at ‘comedy’, we’re real people

living rich lives and you might be surprised but happiness does exist outside of


Lucy Pettigrew is a twenty-one-year-old she/her lesbian poet from Nottingham, UK. She has been writing poetry since she was sixteen and her work now mainly revolves around lesbian themes, coming to terms with the label ‘lesbian’ and the joys and difficulties of wlw relationships. She has been shortlisted in a couple of competitions, published in Valley Press’ Beyond the Walls 2020 anthology and on the Dark Poets Club website. Some of her poetry is due for publication in the Tipping the Scales literary journal, the third edition of Femme Fatale Gals magazine and on The Teeming Mass website. Lucy can be found Instagram and Twitter using the handle @lucyptgw

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