infinite by Elizabeth Sallow
it’s raining in the middle of march and i’m
trying to remember how it feels to be loved.
there’s a distant chill, a cold touch, like
that august never existed, like the sun has said
goodbye. i miss you: summer nights,
autumn whispers. i miss the way you sat
on my lap, brushing rainbows on my eyelids
like we were infinite. i wish we were infinite.
wide-eyes under the moon, i remember the way
you looked at me: sparkling, glowing, like i was
iridescent. i think i’d like to be iridescent, but it’s
raining in the middle of march, and i’m nothing close.
cherry blossom in the start of june and i
can see your ghost across the field, dressed in
gold; a shadow under the sun. you’re wearing a dress and i
remember taking it off you, warm cheeks, crimson
under the glow of heavenly whispers. i miss you,
the way you said my name in the twilight, like i
meant something, to you, like we were forever.
i’m not calling you a liar, but forever was never
a promise. i believed you, when you held my hand
and stole my breath, when you plucked dandelions
from the park and put them in a vase. cherry blossom
in the start of june, and your ghost walks away.
northern winds, it’s snowing come winter, and i
move into a new apartment. i miss you, the evening
we splashed dulux over our skin, fingerprints on your
collarbones like scars. you’re looking at me like it’s
already a memory. my apartment is cold: the heating
doesn’t work, so i heat the kettle, i make cups of tea
to never drink. i buy two new blankets and sit under them,
under the moon. i see you in my dreams, because
forever wasn’t forever. because we were never infinite.
it’s snowing come winter and i’m learning how to love
myself, the way you loved me.
Elizabeth Sallow (she/her) is a queer eighteen year old who lives in a small village in the UK. She believes in the universal and connective power of literature and hopes that she can make people feel understood in a way that she did growing up with her head in a book. She also likes succulents. It's a problem.
You can find her on Instagram @elizabeth.sallow